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The fact that a record is Number One automatically means the track is in a very short period of time going to become over exposed and as worthless as last month’s catchphrase. Basically, a Number One is seen as the ultimate accolade in pop music. Most artists are never able to recover from having one and it becomes the millstone around their necks to which all subsequent releases are compared.

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THIS BOOK IS SOLD SUBJECT TO THE CONDITION THAT IT SHALL NOT BY WAY OF TRADE OR OTHERWISE BE LENT, RESOLD, HIRED OUT OR OTHERWISE CIRCULATED WITHOUT THE PUBLISHER’S PRIOR CONSENT IN ANY FORM OF BINDING OR COVER OTHER THAN THAT IN WHICH IT l S PUBLISHED AND WITHOUT A SIMILAR CONDITION INCLUDING THIS CONDITION BEING IMPOSED IN THE SUBSEOUENT PUBLISHER. THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF DON LUCKNOW.

NO PART OF THIS PUBLICATION MAY BE REPRODUCED, STORED IN A RETRIEVAL SYSTEM OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM OR BY ANY MEANS ELECTRONIC, MECHANICAL, PHOTOCOPYING, RECORDING OR OTHERWISE WITHOUT THE PRIOR CONSENT OF KLF PUBLICATIONS.

The year of the selfie: Thanks to the likes of Kim Kardashian (left) and Kelly Brook (right), the selfie has become a mainstay and now shops are cashing in by introducing changing room i Pads to capture the perfect self-portrait Leading the trend for changing room selfies is Chanel kaiser Karl Lagerfeld.

The fashion stalwart's flagship store, which opened on Regent Sreet, London, on Friday, is kitted out with internet-connected i Pads embedded into the changing room walls.'It's important for us to respond to the rise of online retail, which offers consumers the convenience of browsing and buying at the click of a button, explained Myf Ryan, Westfield's marketing director, to the Sunday Times.

Of course there are those artists that have worked long and hard building personal artistic confidence, critical acclaim, a loyal following (all strong foundations) and then have a Number One, that is that crowning glory. What can be achieved when no great financial rewards or long term career prospects allowing for creative freedom can be hoped for, let alone guaranteed? If this book succeeds in becoming Bert Weedon’s “Play In A Day” for some lost month in the late eighties we will be happy. Follow this simple step by step guide: Firstly, you must be skint and on the dole.

But even then the disgruntled purists amongst the loyal following desert in disgust at having to share their private club with the unwashed masses. If anybody actually gets a Number One by following our instructions we promise them a night out with The JAMS in Madagascar. For those that might be offended please read all “he’s”, “hims” and “his”‘ as “she’s”, “hers” and “hers”‘. Anybody with a proper job or tied up with full time education will not have the time to devote to see it through.

THE FOREVER ANCIENTS LIBERATION LOOPHOLE KLF PUBLICATIONS, BOX 283, HP22 5BW KLF PUBLICATIONS IS A KLF COMMUNl CATIONS COMPANY KLF COMMUNICATIONS 1988 FIRST PUBUSHED 1988 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

They continue to view the act’s cheaply recorded, debut blockbuster as striking gold and will spend the next few years pumping fortunes into studio time, video budgets and tour support whilst praying for a repeat of the miracle and the volume album sales that bring in the real money.

Being blokes it was easier writing it the way we did. Also, being on the dole gives you a clearer perspective on how much of society is run.

If you are already a musician stop playing your instrument. It will become clearer later on but just take our word for it for the time being.

Real bands never get to Number One – unless they are puppets.

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