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I really hope that you can shake this addiction, Trevor and get your life back to how it was before gambling.

I have sent many emails and signed many petitions for the reduction of FOBT’s on our high street.

I wouldn’t keep loaning someone a tenner if each time, they only gave me back a quid, but with gambling, it seems all is forgiven. I can let say, £43,000 go, which I’ve lost over the years, but I desperately want back my last relapse loss of £3,000.

It’s such a daft mentality but it is driven of course by addiction, so good, common sense doesn’t really come in to it. This is such a backward way of thinking because this is exactly how a few grand loss in the first place, turned into the huge amount I have lost today!

Money aside, I have wasted so much time, and I can never get that back. My kids are growing up fast and I don’t even remember the last few years because of gambling. I think, I too have shut it off, detached myself from it. It’s obviously a lot more serious than that, but you know what I mean. When I lose money gambling, I’m always only interested in chasing the last loss with a disregard for all the huge losses that went before.

I can never win that back, so I tell myself what is the point when that time back is the one thing I want more than anything. It happened so quickly, such a whirlwind of emotions that I just couldn’t even address it for days. Then, when I did feel able to own up to what happened, I felt tremendous guilt, remorse and the need to chase, like getting that money back is going to somehow make it all go away. It is so hard to lose that fascination with gambling, I guess because we all live in the moment when it comes to gambling, choosing to dangerously disregard all the lessons that went before and believing that it will be different next time. I guess that’s why non gamblers can’t help but say ‘just stop, then’. I think this is the trap that keeps the cycle going because I have lost thousands over the 7 years I’ve gambled, yet the torment I feel most is for the smaller few grand that I lost recently.

I put all these restrictions in place just to undo them again.

It hurts that I don’t like myself enough to stop gambling. It should not be seen as failure, though it feels like it at the time.But if I do gamble again, I can’t stop, so the only way to go for me is to stay away completely.I have tried gambling responsibly and feel that at least for me, there is no such thing.I can only keep to my limits if things are going my way, but if I lose, it all goes to crap very quickly and I have shown zero control in these instances.It makes me choke every time I hear those stupid ads telling us to gamble responsibly when they don’t advertise responsibly, shoving it down our throats day in and day out. We all give such good advice, but many of us struggle to keep away from gambling.So important to let go of the losses but so much easier said than done because whether I won it back, or I lost more, the cycle would not stop unless I walk away for good and that’s the hardest lesson of all to learn.

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