If it all happened that way, of course I would give it a go with The Duke… I mean, even though we have been close emotionally, there are so many things he doesn’t know about me… I can’t tell you how many nights I was startled awake and jumping out of bed to find her running like a maniac through my apartment. In fact, she had to spend a few nights out in the yard to accomplish it.Like I’m messy and really a homebody– while he is not. She was a quiet little portly black and white smooth fox terrier with a heart-shaped black spot on her back.
I’ve been such a hermit since I had that episode and missed five weeks of work and all. It’s been 10 months since he moved away and are things any different? I don’t feel scared to say what I really feel anymore and I’m committed to doing that on a regular basis. and started making plans to drive the two hours up here and take me to dinner. He sent me his vacation days and talked about going to the coast but didn’t out right invite me. If you remember my earlier story about Duke, then you know that we met when we first joined the Marines and he was dating a friend of mine.
Well, now I’ve got some meds managing the anxiety pretty well and I feel like I am ready to re-enter the social world…. I am on this stupid graveyard shift and it is SO isolating. I have told him I love him and miss him and I don’t think we ever should have broken up in the first place. The first time he tried that, it seemed like every force in the universe was trying to prevent it. Then he served a year in Japan where they had broken up and when he returned I went to see him.
While I’m awake and working, the rest of the world is asleep– then I sleep away all the daylight hours. He still hates it down in the city and misses our little town. Both my kids stayed home sick, my babysitter bailed, and then it started snowing. When he did make it in to town the next week and stopped by we had a terrific visit. There were tons of lingering hugs, and he fixed the stereo he gave me so long ago. We had a pretty romantic night together, but minus the hanky panky.. Then he found me on facebook and we started talking again and haven’t stopped since.
When I do wake up to get ready for work, I usually message with the Duke a bit… We are both in lonely places and wishing we were closer, but a myriad of circumstances prevents that. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have that fuzzy little love bug following me around to snuggle with me every second I’m home. I miss having strong arms around me and the strength in his personality. I miss companionship, talking for hours on end, and sex… I figured out today that I have gone for more than a year in my state of voluntary celibacy. If I’m so in need of the company of a man and all that, there are places I could go and people I could see…. Where I live, when it snows, there is crash after crash, there are chains required, and freeways closed. I was lying around on the couch with a raging headache but I was glad to see him none the less. We made loose plans for the next visit, and he started talking about a wedding he is going to and the subsequent vacation days he’ll be taking. Still one of the absolutely most memorable nights of my life. We were good friends back then and now fit back in to each other lives so naturally. We respect and care about each other and have managed to share all sorts of secrets honestly and without judgement.
In fact, today the conversation really turned romantic and I had to put the brakes on.
He wants to make a pact that when he returns from deployment, if I am not with anyone and he and the wife break up, we’ll be together. I don’t want to be a factor in anyone’s marriage breaking up. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, and I have talked to the Duke about this. Not just financially but also in not having his every days with his son anymore.I do believe that sometimes a marriage becomes so bad, and one partner refuses to try to make the marriage any better– the only option left is to go your own way. I’ve never been one to go overboard with pets like some. I guess I am kinda middle of the road on things like that. She was a smooth fox terrier and just had that pursuit gene wired in to her brain.Still, once again, I don’t want to be a factor in that situation at all. Spoiling them with ridiculous bling and carrying them around like accessories. I also don’t think people should adopt pets and then leave them alone trapped in the back yard or on a chain either. I got my girl, Wiggles, just after my separation from the ex-husband. I was really struggling living on my own half the time (when sharing custody), the first time not living with another adult human EVER. She especially enjoyed this pastime in the middle of the night.Then, in the darkness, I thought she had accidentally fallen off the bed. I didn’t hear her scramble to her feet, but I did hear an odd rhythmic sound. Afterward, she was dizzy and disoriented and I gave her loads of attention and put her to bed. He ran all kinds of tests and determined that she was fine, but the seizure could have been caused by a slow-growing brain tumor.I jumped out of bed and saw my girl in a full on seizure. She had a couple other fatty tumors on her torso, so he thought it was a possibility. In a couple of days she went from her fine and fun and playful self, to not being able to walk.She mothered on him and played with him and seemed delighted to have a furry companion of her own.