I thought about this Saturday because of a woman I met and talked with.
There was another woman who I’d had a very odd relationship with before I let myself meet and date the first woman.
The second woman was something of a “project.” Her life had been a mess when I met her, and I had invested a tremendous amount of time in “rescuing” her.
She told me about how she had grown so much since she had known me and that she was afraid of what would happen to her without me. and we were still talking when the place closed at 11. I tried to explain why I needed to marry the other woman — that I loved her and that we were more compatible — but it was gut-wrenching. I knew who I loved, but I couldn’t bear hurting the other woman as I was.
We moved to stand in the parking lot near our cars for another hour or two. I told her that it was what I wanted and needed to do — and that’s the way we left it when we finally parted around 4 a.m. And the more I thought about that, the more I found excuses to justify delaying a decision. To make a long story short, early in the week, I made one of the worst decisions of my life. The one I loved begged me to marry her, and I knew it was what I wanted.
Then we moved to the parking lot of a nearby convenience store. I told the woman I loved that I couldn’t marry her. I just couldn’t get the emotional courage to make the definite choice.
(I did finally buy an engagement ring for her, which I still have.) I talked to the other one, too.
So while she’s been waffling about who to choose — and felt she had plenty of time to keep waffling — she feels that she’s run out of time.
She has to decide now — and she’s scared of making the wrong choice.
In the spring and early summer of 2008, the first woman and I had talked a lot of marriage.
I had some legitimate fears about things in her that I didn’t understand at the time, but I knew I loved her and wanted her.
She was hoping the first woman would be out of the picture and she could finally have me.