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Having a child mutate into a teenager is a bit like being an airline passenger who must suddenly takeover for a stricken pilot and land the plane. With a book like this-an "owner's manual," if you will-you may learn enough to make it to the airport safely.And in this case, the passengers are all yelling, "I hate you! Otherwise, you might as well go back and finish watching the movie with everybody else.Predictably, if morbidly, Tuesday’s one-hour return episode drew a vast audience, bolstering ABC’s sweeps bottom line.

The Gathering Storm First things first: Let's diagnose the situation.

Just because your blood pressure is so high you swear other people can hear it doesn't mean you're suffering from teenager-your daughter might be a "preteen," which is sort of like having a tornado before a hurricane hits.

And these are the very experiences your daughters will most crave, thrusting the father/daughter relationship into a series of battles that can be summed up as the father saying, "I can't help you out of every unfortunate situation you get yourself in to. But no one else is going to do it: you've got to, you're the father.

You need to do things on your own now, except for when I don't want you to."On the other side of the battle zone, your daughter is saying, "I don't need your advice.

Bruce Cameron is the Dave Barry of modern family life.” —John Temple, Rocky Mountain News W.

Bruce Cameron is a humor writer for the Rocky Mountain News, and his essays appear in Time, Newsday, and on NPR's "Car Talk." He lives in Evergreen, Colorado, with his wife, two teenage daughters, and a teenage son.

In the immediate aftermath of John Ritter’s death, it was hard to take issue with ABC’s decisions, since execs were thrust into an untenable situation.

Since then, however, there has been a vague ghoulishness surrounding the show, including big viewer tune-in for the remaining Ritter episodes and ABC News’ synergistic efforts such as Diane Sawyer’s interview with the actor’s widow, Amy Yasbeck.

There was nothing surprising about this genial series in happier days, and there was nothing surprising about what one of the ratings hotlines labeled “the death episode.” The hour delivered lots of group hugs, tears and platitudes about the unfairness of such a loss, best delivered by an avuncular James Garner.

The consistent refrain from the network and cast has been “This happens to families,” which is of course true.

(Rule #1: if you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.)If your little girl has moved out and a teenager has taken her place, this book will help you do something you probably thought was not possible in your situation: laugh.

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  2. As one Asian American pointed out, "You can kill a dog and get 30 days in jail, 90 days for a traffic ticket." In a second trial, the Justice Department convicted Ebens (the one who actually swung the bat) of violating Vincent's civil rights and he was sentenced to 25 years in prison.

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